I used to give my mind permission to go far beyond the boundaries regardless if it is proper or not! I just let it go free to search, discover, innovate all what it want.
Later, after going through some challenging moments, I figured out that I should ‘ve been much more vigilent when giving my mind all that liberty limitless espacially when I have a feeling telling me that this or that way is untrustworthy, you will be sad here, you can’t get out of this alive !
I thought that I’m capable of controlling my thoughts no matters what !! But this is not true.
I underestimated the power of the environment that had the effect on me to turn off my controller. My positive mood controller. Yes it is the one controlling every single thought coming to my head and even to my heart, cause one day I promised my self to never let me down at any price to negative thoughts or to let me be weak no matter what is going on in my life, but the environment was stronger than me this time.
Going through sad moments causing a turn off of your mind and your heart to absorb less pain then to absorb anything lincluding your life joyment, then quitting your self ..
What can be painful more than quittting who you are and not having any peace with your soul.
Getting back to my old soul is not easy at all even though I have crossed this path several times. Growing up, the path is changing, and old secrets impressing me at the old time are no more efficients. So to go back home, a new and additional work and efforts need to be invested.
What if I said stop ! ? Stop to that thing distroying me ?
What if I admit that I’m not strong enough to handle all of that alone?
What if I put my narcissism down and accept to loose one thing instead of everything ?
Letting my mind go through everything limitless while I’m limited may be a wrong action I took. But staying at my corner safe, enjoying boring lazy peace won’t let me discover another way to go back home and gain a real war against an invisible enemy.
Getting closer to know another shape of me is my result this time.
Thanks God I’m about to be home.